I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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