Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
