i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
