grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
