I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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