i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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