Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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