I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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