Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
