Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
