Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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