then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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