The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
