; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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