no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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