Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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