Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
