I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
