My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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