my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
