you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
