that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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