I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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