I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize