I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
