I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
