eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
