she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
