I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
