a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
