I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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