If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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