Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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