i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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