just tell him i said nine months
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
