There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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