she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
