I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
