i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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