Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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