she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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