She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize