I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
