I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
