i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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