is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
