I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
