There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
how does that bad decision feel?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
