we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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