Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
