Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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