so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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