im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
