We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
