dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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