Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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