Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
