ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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