Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
