And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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