one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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