Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
