Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
