I wish you could order shots online.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
