Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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