tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
