She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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