I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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