zippers are such a cool invention
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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