my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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