Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This gyro tastes like lonliness
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
