We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
