Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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