Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i came on her dog
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
