we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
