So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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