You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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