I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
